After coming home from the hospital, I never thought of why I survived? My wife, however, would often tell me, “you lived for a reason”. Okay, was typically my response. When I finally was well enough, I went back to church where others would come up to me, welcome me back and say at some point, “You survived for a reason”. Often, I could only manage a smile, not even the “okay”. Implied within the statement was that God saved me to perform/do something to further the Kingdom of God, help others, find my own meaning, etc. why I survived Read on…
I’ve always be conflicted about such things. For me, the idea of a God directing the fortune of us humans was in conflict of the concept of free will. A necessary “go to” concept to avoid the need to explain all the seemingly inconsistent outcomes of believers. For example a tragedy which kills some but leaves others hurt or left without a scratch. “God was looking out for me”, we’d hear from a survivor. Apparently oblivious to the obvious implication that God turned their back on those that didn’t survive.
I honestly hadn’t thought about it. It wasn’t long, however, that I did begin to wonder, maybe not if I survived as part of a plan, rather I wondered should I do more with my life considering I’ve been given a second/third chance. I landed on the second idea and signed up to help my peers at the local senior center. I also became an official Youth Mentor with the county Juvenile Justice System. Before I was actually able to begin either, my life experienced a second major curve ball.
As documented here my mothers been living us me for over two months now. Even though it hasn’t been easy, it’s been very rewarding. You can read more of our adventures with my mother here. We had a wonderful Christmas at our daughters boy friends house along with their adorable daughter Addie. Mom loved it. Things changed through the day after Christmas. Mom was watching TV and I heard her say, “It’s a hoax, it’s all a hoax”. I asked her what she said and she repeated it. When asked what the hoax was she just kept repeating it and adding, I can’t believe no one else is talking about it, agreeing with her it was a hoax. She was watching the news. There was nothing unusual going. Her concern over the hoax being talked about on TV included when the weather was on. I decided to check her heart rate and oxygen levels with our pulse oximeter. Her oxygen level was okay, but her heart rate was over 130.
I checked again a little later and it was in the high 30’s. I called my sister and had mom talk to her. Mom happily obliged and told her about the hoax as well as now saying she’s ready to leave. She’ll walk to a women’s shelter if necessary, but she had to get away from here. My sister (mom’s oldest) tried to talk her back to reality without success until finally she said goodbye and hung up.
I called the nurse and to jump ahead, the paramedics came and from their diagnostics, she was fine. They did insist she see either her Primary Care Physician or her Cardiologist. I couldn’t get appointments for either and ultimately ended up in the ER. It was mid afternoon and her concern over the hoax continued. She was also now saying I didn’t want her to live with us anymore. As the afternoon turned to early evening, I was at her side and I actually saw her return from wherever one’s brain goes when this happens to reality. She remembered everything but now knows it wasn’t true. She remembered her daughter being mad at her and hanging up. She didn’t remember telling me I want’ed her to leave our house. She became very apologetic. We had a wonderful conversation for the next hour or so. It was during this conversation when I got goose bumps and the proverbial light bulb went off.
Why I Survived
More in the next day or two.