Roller Coaster

Roller Coaster

My ride on my emotional Roller Coaster has continued.  Some days I feel normal, like I did most of my life.  Other days I feel like life is great and can’t wait to experience what the day presents.  But other days, like today, I have a hard time not crying.  Yeah, a roller coaster.

Nothing has fundamentally changed from yesterday.  The things that complicate my life are the same.  The things I like haven’t changed either.  It’s a matter of coping and perspective I guess.  Some days I lose the big picture perspective.  You know, when some responds to that throw question, “How ya doing” with “above ground and breathing”.  That’s the big picture perspective. Some days, like when my glasses are dirty and smudged, my perspective is dirty and smudged and finding anything of good and of value in my life is at best blurry if not invisible.

I could go into detail on the little things that bring on the melancholy.  I won’t.  The highlight of my day was my weekly therapy session.  I couldn’t even bring them up in the beginning.  I was able to avoid the tears and talk about them at the end of the session.  She gave me a list of words, positive words.  When I start thinking of a bad or sad thing I should pick a word and concentrate on it.  That made a lot of sense at the time.  As I type this, the list is folded up on the bar.

Writing this does help.  I need to write more.

Donna invited me out to dinner tonight.  What a wonderful person.  Getting out alone with her was just what I needed to clear up my smudged and dirty emotional glasses.  Before leaving I told Mom we were going out and would be back in an hour or so.  When we got back she was almost in tears.  She had no one to talk to.  She remembered me telling her we were going out but said, I thought at least one person would stay so she would have someone to talk to.

Roller Coaster indeed.

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