Journal

Journal

Coping has been a challenge

Coping has been a challenge.  I’m approaching a year since leaving hospital after having “lived” there for almost 6 months.  My last surgery was in June, 8 months ago.  Parts of my life will never be the same.  Eating a hand full of Creon each day to supplement the 90% loss of my Pancreas, not able to drink a glass of wine to relax, something I need now more than ever.   Needing to avoid some of my favorite foods or…

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Somebody Stole My Suppositories

We came home and found my mother beside herself.  Since she’s lived with us (and apparently before as well), she’s been very concerned about her “regularity”. In fact, the first night in our home, she complained and I went out and bought her a pack of suppositories.   Apparently, and thankfully,  they worked well.  Considering her vision, I was concerned about them simply lying on the bathroom vanity, so I put them in the closet.  She hasn’t needed them since.  Until the…

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Eye in my soup

Yesterday after lunch, we were sitting in the living room and mom says, “Did you put an eye in my soup?”  Huh?  “It was round with a round part in the middle, it looked like an eye.  No, we assured her, we didn’t put an eye in your soup.  “I never want that soup again.”.  “There were slimy things in it. I couldn’t eat it without using a whole bunch of oyster crackers.”  Never again. Just as the evening before,…

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Roller Coaster

My ride on my emotional Roller Coaster has continued.  Some days I feel normal, like I did most of my life.  Other days I feel like life is great and can’t wait to experience what the day presents.  But other days, like today, I have a hard time not crying.  Yeah, a roller coaster. Nothing has fundamentally changed from yesterday.  The things that complicate my life are the same.  The things I like haven’t changed either.  It’s a matter of…

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TV Not Necessary

She stared intently at the TV.  “Come on come on come on”, she said.  “Give him the car” was next.  We were watching the The Crown.  I’m not sure what Mom was watching.  I believe it was a game show.  We turned off the sound.  That didn’t deter her, repeating “Come on come on come on”. Finally, we turned the TV off.  TV Not Necessary.  Even with a blank screen, Mom was engrossed in a show only shown in her…

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Why I Survived

After coming home from the hospital, I never thought of why I survived?  My wife, however, would often tell me, “you lived for a reason”. Okay, was typically my response.   When I finally was well enough, I went back to church where others would come up to me, welcome me back and say at some point, “You survived for a reason”.  Often, I could only manage a smile, not even the “okay”.   Implied within the statement was that God saved me…

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Happy Birthday Mom

Mom has been great since her problems last Sunday.  No issues at all, what a joy to be with her, talking and reminiscing. Mom’s birthday will be on the 20th, but we celebrated yesterday so everyone we wanted to celebrate her birthday could attend.  Both my daughters families were here as well as Mom’s great niece (her sisters son’s daughter, do I have it right) who moved here from Bethlehem a few years ago.  Mom always like her and she…

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Knock Off The Crap

“Knock Off The Crap”.  My mother said that to my wife one night a week ago.  Eric was sitting on the coach while I was at the grocery store and mother mother thought it was me on the couch.  When Donna corrected her she responded “Knock Off The Crap”. My mother, 90 years old, mostly blind and deaf and needing a walker to get around and living by herself in a high rise senior apartment.  She seemed to be managing…

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Three Good Days

It’s Thursday and things have been going well.  The low point we lived through Sunday night has faded.  Mom has been alert and friendly.  Has something changed, or is this just temporary pause and the paranoia and hallucinations will return?  On Monday I took Mom to the Podiatrist.  She has been concerned about her toe.  She saw lines on it and the tip was blue.  She was very concerned as her father, she was told, had toes with similar conditions. …

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Man’s Best Friend

The morning began well.  Cruz jumped up on the coach, laid down with his head in my lap.  So it went for about 90 minutes while I watched last nights 60 Minutes and the first half of a Bundesliga game. It was a great start to the day, especially because of the challenging night before.  My mother was having hallucinations and experiencing episodes of paranoia.  Age, cataracts, glaucoma and Macular Degeneration is a bad combination.  Now throw in what may…

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